I know I don't have to choose this path, but I will. We were never promised an easy ride, but I have a feeling that if I just keep going the the way I am, then an easy ride it will be. 

But I don't want a painless, simple life... I want to be broken and hurt, to know what it's like.....is that weird???

 But I will be forced to draw closer to Him, to cling to Him with every ounce of my being, and to know, as in, like, really know, that He is the only one who can satisfy. 

 I know that if I keep on with this pain-free, almost perfect imaginary life, then I will regret it at the end. I will look back and think, 'What a selfishness. When did I truly suffer? When did I truly care? I know this was happening, but chose to do nothing..'  

Now don't get me wrong, i know heaps of people who are amazing, married, family-type people who are fully devoted to God and doing amazing things for Him, but I just think that it could never be for me personally.

So this is why I must take this road, because I just could not justify burying my head in the sand when I know there are needs and corruption and absolute horrendous atrocities out there that I could be doing something about.

 But in order for me to do this, i need to put myself out there...it wont come chasing me, it is a choice I need to make, and it will bring me pain...but I will just have to accept it.
And the healing at the very end will be that much sweeter.