Every girl longs for their dad to be proud of them. For their dad to affirm, accept and appreciate them for every achievement great and small, or even just for who they are. They want to be accepted without being compared with any other, because they have strived to be perfect in their dad's eyes. In their dad's eyes they should be no one smarter, no one as beautiful and no one as perfect as his own precious daughter.  Heaven forbid when there is no such thing as this fatherly love and pride in the most crucial of times.

Oh Yes I Did.

Every year of my schooling life, I have wondered and dreamed of when we all finish year 12, what we will do, where we will live, what job we will get, etc. I knew that this time would be crazy, that my safe environment of Mueller will be gone in an instant and that everything would be turned upside down and really test my faith and what I stand for. But this never really bothered me too much, because I knew that no matter what happened, I would always have my Church and friends and family there.  I knew that school was temporary and that friendships could turn sour anytime, but my Church was the one place that was constant and where I felt I would always belong. Well I have well and truly learnt my lesson that nothing is guaranteed. Nothing and no-one EXCEPT Jesus Christ and the grace he has given to us.  All that people had spent countless hours and struggles trying to build up for over twenty years took just one person to tear down in 2.  So we fought for the truth, for what is right, for what the Bible says is right, but now we are at the point where it is pretty much impossible to fight anymore, where technicalities, politics and books written by men (and so are automatically flawed) take precedence over what the Bible says.  But after all the countless tears and stress since February, Monday night pretty much settled that it is time to move on with my life, to find somewhere else to worship and serve. It still sucks that there is such injustice, but through all this I have come to really know that God is the only one I can count on, He is still there no matter what happens, and He is capable to deal with this and will have the last word. Every single other Church I have been to in the last year seems to be confirming to me bit by bit that leaving is the best thing; every other Church has shown to me true Christian love, coming from the top and filtering down. One of the first times I went to North Pine Baptist, the place was stacked full of people, and yet at the end of the service, the Pastor actually sought us out and welcomed us, introduced me to people my age, and just showed a genuine love and care, and it was such a refreshing change.  I now feel strangely at peace about it, even though I am still fuming and know that it will still hurt because I’ve been there over 14years and my brothers and sisters that I love so much is there, but I know that God will help me to move forward, J Isn’t Jesus just the best? I’m feeling so in love right now, His peace is the best feeling ever.  J

NAOMI AND DANIEL ARE ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

I am the third most happiest person alive right now :D  ...possibly even more excited than Nomes and Dan themselves! :P Now I have a real brother :) ..and a wedding to plan... oh the ecstaticfullness!!! :D

Gumby You're the Best

Gumby is more loyal than any dog, he's been sleeping on my bed with me all week keeping me company, its like he knows I'm sick.  Usually all he wants to do is play outside all day, but this week he's been my friend all day long and won't leave my side :)  You're the best gumby!

Sick as a dead dog. I feel like a smashed pumpkin run over by a mack truck :'(  However, I am considering becoming sick more often, yesterday my dearest mother bought me formal shoes and a little jacket for tonight  - she must have felt really sorry for me :P  Hopefully I shall be back at school tommorrow for Emily's birthday!

Change Your Life Or Change Your Name

I made a decision last night. I am going to do something. I don't know exactly what yet, however small or large an impact it will have, but I've asked God to put me in the right place, and am confident that he will. Whatever it takes. 
We were watching the movie Amazing Grace, and I was so inspired, it kinda put things into perspective. Wilberforce spent fifteen years of having a deeply troubled soul because the lives of undeserving people were being sickeningly abused, murdered and exploited. Fifteen years of striving to his utmost, of utter selflessness and constant heartache trying to change things.


There is nothing new under the sun, things are much the same today. Hundreds of thousands of innocent lives are being brutally murdered and exploited for no reason except for the poor to get poorer and the rich to get richer and have more power... as if they don't have enough already. The cause is so obviously humanitarian, and it really upsets me that people don't care or even listen, just treat you like a crackpot or get mad because your different opinion actually has evidence to prove it.


 It is slightly harder to convince people though, Wilberforce only had to take people to the ships to smell the smell of death and show the thousands of signatures. There are already far more signatures than he had for our cause, but they have buried the bones, and silence the signatures through their stranglehold on the media - and thus the media's stranglehold on us - and the very perpetuators of the problem have such power in so many places. No one will support me, but I don't care anymore, I am doing this because I care about people's lives and am sick of absolute sickening gut wrenching wasteful death and suffering, and the perpetuators being the very ones whom the rest of the world sees as the good people doing us all a favour. They prefer to start with a controversial half-truth before telling us the full, uncontroversial, unpalatable truth - cut in half, beautifully packaged so nobody is too upset. Don't believe it, I beg you. 

Wilberforce did also spend months of soul searching and making sure his heart was in the right place, and i know i definitely need to do that as well. It's because of Gods amazing grace to us that we should fight for other people to share in the same hope that we have. ..so much injustice...

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. – Benjamin Franklin

Every time. Every single time the night before I have a biology assessement due something awful happens. It is almost as though God is trying to get through to me, "Esther, peoples lives are more imporant than your stupid biol assignment, surely you can forsake a few marks in the light of eternity. People need your help, your ears, your prayers, I need you to do this for me." So biology, I shall settle with a C or even less, because there are more important things in life right now.

Is it a sin to be angry at things that are wrong, and for wanting others to see that wrong so that they can stop being hurt by it? Is there such a thing as righteous anger?

The world's on fire and it's more than I can handle

The more we take, the less we become

A fortune of one that means less for some.

.

Daddy

(also inspired by Adam)

Dear Daddy,

Happy Father's Day! I love you heaps and heaps.  :)

I hope you liked the sunrise today, thanks for being so obedient when I woke you up at 5am! even though it was cloudy it was still very beautiful :)

I know we haven't always gotten along, but i feel that lately we are starting to understand each other heaps more and become great friends.

I love the way you will always stand for justice and truth, despite the pain and cost that it causes you. I really appreciate how you are the only one it seems who will support me in my similar passion for the truth.

It is my prayer that you will become more merciful, adopt more sons and daughters, quit smoking and continue to influence those around you like you have and that you will be blessed for that.  :)

Love you Daddy, I hope we will see many more sunrises together :)

All my love,

Esther.  xo

Reminiscing

I miss this place. Life was simple.

There is a time

in all our lives

when there seems

no rhyme or reason

for our living –

but if we still can dream

and hope and strive,

we may discover after all,

that life and love

are not so much for taking

as for giving –

Sitting trying to do my Multistrand ... It's so easy but so boring, just cant motivate myself to do anything. Scotty T and Dave are the best singers and guitarists on the earth, I prefer to stare at this half finished report and listen to them belting it out from the lounge room, its like my own live little concert! There is something so special about just being able to grab a guitar and bash out some golden oldies with everyone singing along. :)  ...mmmm the serenity...

:)

Supposedly every man cries when they hear this and watch the video. And so you should.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhdFe3evXpk&ob=av2e

They crusade

for the poor and oppressed –

but with their first taste

of power,

why do they so often

become

the oppressors...?

Yeah your sorrow

No it can't save you

It wont answer

For what you've done

.

I did it!!!      =D 

All four pages, stuffing up only once trying to say 'gag orders.' 

Didn't laugh like I was positive I would, and even recieved an unexpected applause at the end... maybe becasue they were just so glad I finally shut up. ;)  

Now they all call me Mrs Edmonds; someone actually thought I was the very Sibel Edmonds herself!!!  haha I wish  :/   

I sound so up myself, but I just can't believe how well it went, me - stupid silent mouseface me - me who'd jump if you said boo, -got up and read four pages full of big words and disturbing things, without so much as a mild quiver in my voice for the first few seconds.

But it was all worth it if just one person was inspired, if just one can now see that this is real, such an important part of our lives; the decisions we make and the people we trust.             

If only my english orals were this succcsseful...

:)

...grabbing at life

like a greedy child –

you cry

when the world

says ‘No!’ –

God help you

if you run out of toys

before you grow up –

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

  - attributed to Edmund Burke

Who gives society the right

to act as judge and jury,

condemning individuals

to death by loneliness

for the alleged crime

of ‘being different’ ....

“Although volume upon volume is written to prove slavery a very good thing, we never hear of the man who wishes to take the good of it, by being a slave himself.”

-          Abraham Lincoln

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be,

Maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces lighter
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent

Falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded

That the pain is worth the plunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip,

I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat

All the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children -

This is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers -

This is our greatest offense

Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God

This is probably the most heartfelt song I've ever heard.

A Sort-Of Answer

I think I have a sort of answer:  

•    It is hard to care. Because if we genuinely care, we feel the need or moral obligation to do something about it.  
•  It is hard to change long-held opinions. To accept or even just listen to irrefutable evidence that is contrary to what we have always blindly believed is incredibly hard. For example, we were taught from day one that this is black and this is white, but suppose your parents and your teachers taught you that black was yellow, and then when you finally get out into the world, and people tell you that it is actually black, of course you will straight away think that everyone is loopy, because you were brought up to believe that it is yellow. Sorry about this terrible analogy, but do you get what I’m saying??? Eventually you will have to realise that your parents mislead you.  It’s just like it was hard for me to figure out why I really was a Christian, that I wasn’t just believing  everything my parents spoon-fed me since birth. The apostle Paul tells us to test everything (1Thes 5:21), and that is what we should do most importantly with our faith, but also with every other opinion that we have as well.  It frustrates me to no end when people instantly dismiss and ignore you simple because you have some evidence that is contrary to what they have been taught by their parents or the media. 
•  Ignorance is bliss. As we gradually come to the realisation that life is not the wonderful place in which corruption does not exist, it sucks. We were much happier with ignorance. But ignorance does not change that the problem still exists. Being ignorant only makes it worse for our children and the generations after us.  There is a lot more I could say, but these are the main reasons I think.

Sometimes I feel like all i am doing lately is starting to tear everyone down... is it really worth it?
But when I look at the stars at night, through my window in my nice warm bed in my big safe house with so much more than i will ever need, my Bible that I can read whenever I want (even though I still abuse that privilege), -  I really think it is and must be worth it, because I know that there are millions whose entire lives are filled with constant fear and pain and poverty because of this absolute sickening corruption, then i know that something must be done, that is why I cant stand it when we just ignore it, pretend it's not there, deny it's there, even when there is so much proof.
Yet we refuse to even listen to the evidence and make a logical decision.
I don't want to believe it, however I am forced to from the overwhelming truth of it. So why do people still ignore it? I can't understand.
 I am hoping to get my sort of answer to you sometime this week. :)

So many years

searching for dreams

and escaping from nightmares

until I discovered

the dreams and nightmares

are part of this reality

in which we live –

Thankyou

The word thankyou does not have enough gravity in it. I honestly don't know how to say how much I truly appreciate what you've done. How did you know? It was as though you could see right into the depths of my soul and knew exactly what it needed. I am giddy with inspiration and fire, and am almost in tears from my gratitude. I know I won't ever repay you, but will pray for you every day, that you will be blessed for the endless things of which I can't even put into words.

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart.   

.

Why is it that the ones who deserve it the least, who fight injustice, who want nothing but peace, who have only good intentions, - why are the most innocent, blameless and undeserving ones always the first to be accused, abused and afflicted?  Meanwhile the ones for whom such punishment should be reserved just perpetuate the evil and get fat on their pride and power. I don't understand. 

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I Have a Dress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



You wear your mask,

the friendly smile,

your warmth and welcome

bewitches for a while –

you make the old feel young,

the short feel tall –

I wonder if behind that bright facade

is there anyone at all? …..

This is the new ad promoting a carbon tax for Australia. The third image is the Battersea Power Station, which Cate Blanchett and Michael Caton are standing behind in the ad.

Two problems:

One: The Battersea Power Station is in London.

Two: IT HAS BEEN CLOSED FOR 28 FLIPPING YEARS!!!!!!

Flopping flop I am so angry. First they try and use their million dollar celebrities to try and sell it to us, then make the assumption that carbon dioxide produced by humans is warming the planet. CO2 makes up 0.0385% of the Earth's atmosphere, and of that 0.0385%, 3% is from human contribution, the rest is occurs from nature. CO2 is invisible, unlike the big black plumes of smog they show us, and the power station they show us is not even in Australia and closed completely in 1975. What deceitful revenue raising rubbish.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9voS5MJSuM&playnext=1&list=PLA193A36C7B8AD5ED

Isn't it funny how one person can encourage you so much? Even though they probably hate your guts, there is that unspoken connection that comes from one common goal and belief that everyone else in the world seems to snub without one scrap of substantiation, even those who you love the most. Knowing that there was one in a room of a thousand made me want to give you a great big bear hug :) ...even though you probably hate me.

Growing up is scary. I know we are still so young, but this is the first time I've been really aware of the changes that happen in such a small amount of time. Yesterday all my sisters friends were over for her birthday, they all have boyfriends, one is engaged, and the rest probably will be in the next year or two.
 It was only three years ago that they were where I am now, almost finished year 12, and hadn't even met the man they are now about to marry. It is really beautiful to see them all growing up and stuff, but it also freaks me out about my own future. What is to become of me?
I think these kids had me in mind when they wrote this :P It will probably be my future long before I will ever realise it:

My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel

I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow

By taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to

No I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now

But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
The long
The long way around

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

When winter comes,

I like to go

where yellow wild flowers

grow beside the road –

the scent of blue gum

mingles with the cold clean air

and you can see the sky

forever there –

where willy-wagtails

often catch a cheeky ride

on backs of unsuspecting sheep

and mushrooms hide

in secret places

the willows are not weeping there

but shining wet with dew,

where every creature wakes from sleep

to a world all fresh and new

and nature seems to set us free –

when winter comes

that’s where I like to be –

Anguished Souls

Prayers are needed badly. Not for me, but for people in our grade. People we think have it all together, people we would never suspect, and never take the time to find out. I feel so guilty for not realising until now, Its staggering how many people are hurting. I have failed them and failed God. He has given me a gift to listen to people, and I have abused this and put myself before Him and others he has put in my path. Our school is a wreck, filled with anguished souls, it's time we did something real.

When the world

is at its worst

and the darkest side

shows through –

when fear

burns into hate

and greed

obscures the view –

when no-one seems to care

and Autumn winds blow cold,

the old don’t understand,

the young despise the old –

when life

keeps turning grey,

I need my rainbow’s end

or a patch of blue

where the sun shines through –

I need you, my friend –

Those enchanting children of the theatre

who make me laugh or cry,

remember or forget –

they free my mind

to fly upon a world of make-believe,

they lift me out of mediocrity

and for a little while,

they let me be

the things I want to be –

my applause and admiration

will never quite repay the debt –

...Whoever invented brown bath bombs was a real sicko...

How sad to see

a little girl

afraid of butterflies –

I pray

she won’t grow up to see

the world

through her foolish mother’s eyes –

 I know I don't have to choose this path, but I will. We were never promised an easy ride, but I have a feeling that if I just keep going the the way I am, then an easy ride it will be. 

But I don't want a painless, simple life... I want to be broken and hurt, to know what it's like.....is that weird???

 But I will be forced to draw closer to Him, to cling to Him with every ounce of my being, and to know, as in, like, really know, that He is the only one who can satisfy. 

 I know that if I keep on with this pain-free, almost perfect imaginary life, then I will regret it at the end. I will look back and think, 'What a selfishness. When did I truly suffer? When did I truly care? I know this was happening, but chose to do nothing..'  

Now don't get me wrong, i know heaps of people who are amazing, married, family-type people who are fully devoted to God and doing amazing things for Him, but I just think that it could never be for me personally.

So this is why I must take this road, because I just could not justify burying my head in the sand when I know there are needs and corruption and absolute horrendous atrocities out there that I could be doing something about.

 But in order for me to do this, i need to put myself out there...it wont come chasing me, it is a choice I need to make, and it will bring me pain...but I will just have to accept it.
And the healing at the very end will be that much sweeter.

Do we

only seek advice

to confirm

what we

have already

decided –

If each of us fights

cruelty, injustice and greed

in our own little worlds,

perhaps there will be no need

for the next generation

to go to war –

At least we can say with certainty that May 21st is not the day that Jesus will return. The thing that outrages me is that people are seeing this stupid old man and see him as the face of Christianity. Now May 21 will pass by, and tomorrow they will straight away start abusing Christians and reject any idea of God, all because of one loser out there who gives himself the name of Christian and claims to know God and His plans for this world. What an IDIOT.

What fools we are

to miss

the importance

of laughter –

the warmth

of understanding

and the gift

of friendship

that wait for us

between the extremes

of love and loneliness –

You made me see

the wonder of tomorrow

and how foolish to regret

my yesterdays –

you taught me

how to take my deepest sorrows

and use them

to build a new today –

you told me how success

grows out of failure,

to have faith in me

and everything I do,

to live by kindness,

honesty and courage

and above all,

to my own self be true –

I thank you for giving me

a world where I belong,

where, even I who cannot sing,

can understand the song –

Oh I can't take no more
Diamonds on the floor
No more, no more, no more
Diamonds falling down

...perhaps

the gossips

need to believe

the misfortunes

of others

are preferable

to their own

boredom –

I heard them talking of their tomorrow –

beautiful people –

talking of life and love,

of war and death

and changing the world –

circles of conversation

like goldfish in a bowl

going nowhere –

I thought of yesterday

and didn’t have the heart to tell them

we were the beautiful people then –

trying to change the world –

and our circles of conversation

were like goldfish in a bowl

going nowhere…..

Yay I'm back! :)  Dived straight into Professor Ian Plimer's book Heaven and Earth :)
Anyway, a lot has happened in the past week.

What does Obama have to gain from this?
Well for starters, this year is the 10th anniversary since 9/11. The year that myself and many others were hoping to see a massive movement for 9/11 truth - people who have researched and found that 9/11 was without a doubt and inside job. Now this year belongs to Obama and their continual cover up of the truth. All you need to do is walk through the streets of New York and see the thousands of protests happening. And why dont we see this on TV even though they march right past the televison stations? Because these same people own the media and have put orders in place.

More and more people are standing up as we realise the absolute corruption, however the media controls the opinions of almost everyone. They start a panic about global warming, and everyone else panics. It has happened so many times in history, but we never learn. I have not met a person yet that does not agree that Hitler was a terrible person and was responsible for millions of innocent deaths. Perhaps there is nothing new under the sun.
Obamas popularity was increasingly decreasing, what a perfect opportunity to win back the peoples favour?
Bin Laden was a former member of the CIA, funded and trained by them.
The issue for me is not whether he is dead or not, -although that story itself has massive holes in it-, it is the fact that this alleged death is now perpetuating the 9/11 lie and furthering the agenda of the global elite, and that makes me sick.  

Farwell, my dear friends, for a week... a whole entire week!

Saw the TV today, going crazy with the breaking news of Osama Bin Laden's death. Thousands of people surrounded the white house, waving flags and cheering, as their precious Barak told them that "justice has been done."  I felt so incredibly physically sick by this. Doesnt anyone know that Bin Laden was a member of the CIA? Trained by the CIA themselves? No of course no one does, because these same people are the people that own the mass media. Now I cannot say whether or not he really is dead or not, as I have not done sufficient research as yet of his death, but the reason I could not believe one single words of Obama's speech is that his entire statement was based around the September 11 attacks, and Bin Laden being the leading cause of these attacks. I have done a crazy amount of research regarding 9/11 over the past 2 holidays, and I have come to be 100% convinced that there is no way on earth that the twin towers fell down solely from a plane driven by a terrorist. There is an incredible amount of evidence that it was controlled demolition, and in order for that to happen, the people who orchestrated this must have needed months of access to the buildings prior to 9/11. And who was in charge of security to the world trade centre? None other then George Bush's younger brother. Over 11 000 scientists have signed saying that the official report put out by the government was flawed at every possible point. That is why I do not and can not believe a single word that Obama said today. If true justice was to be done, it would be him, along with Bush, as well as the mumerous people behind them that would be dead, if true justice was to be done. But God will take care of that later, because this is so beyond what any of us could ever do.

…..people laughing, people crying,

babies born and old men dying,

the endless circle turns another turn –

Ever changing – colours blending,

no beginning – without ending –

we live and learn

forgetting what we learn –

Is it right or is it wrong for

us to sing and who’s the song for?

the endless circle turns another turn –

Is it wrong or is it right for

us to fight and what we fight for?

we live and learn –

Loving, hating, joy and sorrow,

yesterday, today, tomorrow –

the endless circle turns another turn –

Like a mist upon the mountain,

like a never-ending fountain –

We live and learn –

forgetting what we learn…..